Complex Women (Funny Joke)

1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..





2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything


3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..


4. (ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do i have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when i call u in the morning u didn't pick up?
Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?
Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?
Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 pm?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.
Women: Anytime. 



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Complex Women (Funny Joke)

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Running in the Marathon (funny Joke)

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One  rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.  He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?

'Oh , yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! '

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'No..........just when it's raining.




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Running in the Marathon (funny Joke)

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Virginity Test(Funny Joke)

A young man was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.


The doctor said, 'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a Gun..'


The man was astonished and asked, 'So what do I do with these?'


The doctor replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue. If
she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw', you Shoot her head with the Gun.

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Virginity Test(Funny Joke)

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Japanese Eye Test

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the
corner of your eyes as if you were Japanese. Keep
pulling until your eyes are almost closed...It works.

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Japanese Eye Test

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Perception (Adult Joke)

                       Perception



Women are chatting in office.




Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?




Woman 2: Yes.




Woman 1: Was it good?




Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?




Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!




At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.




Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?




Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great!  What about you?




Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

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Perception (Adult Joke)

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If God were a Woman....(Joke)

 If God were a Woman....



1. Sex would smell like chocolate


2. Farts would smell like roses


3. Dogs would smell spring fresh


4. Babies would come from vending machines


5. Men would be born with a permanent erection


6. All women would have the same size breasts


7. There would be no cellulite


8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE


9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch


10. There would be no "Hooters"


11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife


12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii!


13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle


14. Men would come with software to be custom designed


15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by Wife


16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant Verification of truth


17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the Difference between six inches and three inches


18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds


19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the Cheek


20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.

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If God were a Woman....(Joke)

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Loving Wife (joke)

Loving Wife



A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed.He orders the guy out of  the bed and ties him to a chair.  While tying the home owner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
  
While he's  in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is  an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!


He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed  your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do what  ever he tells you.Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll  kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'


His wife  responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my  ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.' 

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Loving Wife (joke)

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The Secret to The Good Life.....(Joke)

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above,


Sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, 


"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" 


"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said.  "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.


Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.


On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all." 


"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?" 


"Twenty-four," she  replied.

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The Secret to The Good Life.....(Joke)

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Dont underestimate an average guy(Funny Joke)

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman


sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask
her, "Er...


excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"


She responds in a loud voice :


"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"


Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised,


shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.


After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,


and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm
studying how


people respond to embarrassing situations."


The young man responds loudly with,


"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS.


THATS TOO MUCH !"

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Dont underestimate an average guy(Funny Joke)

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The Truth about Managers (Joke)

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."
The astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"


Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."


The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"


"There is no fuckin problem," the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my fuckin money in this damn bank."


"Oh...I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time sir???"

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The Truth about Managers (Joke)

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Can u Guess????

The following pictures, you can see some ladies having a very strong psycho/soma personal feeling......



They are in a very private, personal moment!!!


Can you find out how it is called what they are feeling?


If not, the answer is below.


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They are ready to sneeze!!!!!!






But To tell you the truth, I like the way you are thinking!!!!!

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Can u Guess????

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Try again!! [Funny Joke]

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.



Scared??..She confides this ' news' to her mother.


Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?


I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.


He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility.


If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.


If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.


If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.


However, If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?"


At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him...

"You can try again!!!"

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Try again!! [Funny Joke]

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IT Twins !!!

Someone in the IT industry gave birth to Twins.


Guess what they named them?


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IT Twins !!!

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Gujrati Salesman (Funny Hindi Joke)

एक बार एक Shopping Mall ने एक नया गुजराती salesman hire किया. Sale बढ़ने लगी ,दिन दुगनी, रात चौगुनी.


Boss ने सोचा इस लड़के से मुझे मिलना चाहिए . Boss Mall पर आया, उसने देखा लड़का एक customer को fishing-rod बेच रहा था.


वोह दूर खड़ा हो कर ही उसको customer से deal करते देखने लगा. लड़के ने fishing-rod bech दी. कस्टमर ने कहा कितने रुपये, लड़का बोला Rs.800/-.


यह कहकर लड़के ने customer के shoes देखे और बोला, इतने महंगे shoes पहनकर fishing करने जायेंगे? एक sport shoe भी खरीद लीजिये, customer ने sport shoes भी खरीद लिए.


अब लड़के ने कहा तालाब किनारे धूप में बैठना पड़ेगा, एक cap भी खरीद लीजिये तो ठीक रहेगा, customer ने cap भी खरीद ली. अब लड़के ने कहा, मछली पकड़ने में बहुत इंतज़ार करना पड़ेगा, कुछ eatables, wafer, biscuits, भी ले जाईये, customer ने वोह भी खरीद लिए.  लड़का बोला मछली पकड़ेंगे तो रखेंगे कहाँ ? यह एक Rs.100/- की basket भी ले लीजिये, customer ने वोह भी खरीद ली.


अब total bill बना Rs.2000/- का.


Boss बहुत खुश हुआ. उसने लड़के को बुलाया और कहा, तुम तो कमल के salesman हो. वोह आदमी fishing rod खरीदने आया . . और तुमने उसे इतना सारा सामान बेच दिया, very good.


लड़का बोला, ' Sir, वोह आदमी तो 'Stayfree' napkin खरीदने आया था अपनी बीवी के लिए, मैंने कहा, चार दिन तू घर पर क्या करेगा, '"जा मछली पकड़'"

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Gujrati Salesman (Funny Hindi Joke)

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Never Worry how many people Dislike you

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.


The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.


At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.


An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.


Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!


Moral:


"How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance.   So never worry how many people dislike you ... " 

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Never Worry how many people Dislike you

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Real cost cutting

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Real cost cutting

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GETTING DIVORCED (Funny Joke)

Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce.


"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny.


"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love."


Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?"


"Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband rushes home from a long day at work to embrace and kiss his wife at the door. Your mom and I have lost that love."


"But Daddy, I see Mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home, so she must still be in love with you."


"I don't understand, son. When has your mother recently been excited when I arrive home from work?"


"Well, sometimes when Mommy is still sleeping in bed with the neighbor, and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!"

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GETTING DIVORCED (Funny Joke)

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The only chance for India to win Football World Cup

The only chance for India to win Football World Cup!!!


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The only chance for India to win Football World Cup

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Truth Behind Real Work

GIRLS DESK

Now 
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BOYS DESK

After seeing the two pics you can clearly identify who works n who doesn't,,,,,!!!
Forward to all girls who can take a joke and all guys who like a laugh

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Truth Behind Real Work

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